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Hold my rosé; I’m an Arie fan.
Ah, fellow Bachelor franchise fans. Hometown dates are here and it’s about that time in every season where I find myself asking, “Hometowns already? But he doesn’t even know them!” Now that we’re down to the final four girls—and only one Becca and one Lauren—it’s the perfect time for a mid-season recap (especially with the chaos of The Winter Games inevitably taking over our lives).
I know what I’m about to say is an unpopular opinion: I’m rooting for Arie. Don’t get me wrong, I was in love with Peter. When he got dumped I sent out texts that said “I’ve honestly never felt this way before” and “Love is dead.” I was Team Peter and Team Tooth Gap until the bitter end. I was only able to be comforted by the idea that Peter would be my (okay, our) next Bachelor. And then one day, the gray-haired Arie showed up on my screen and I asked the question so many other people were asking: “Who???”
But then ABC put up Emily Maynard’s season on their TV app and I binge-watched the entire season in two days. And something happened: I found myself hoping Arie would get that final rose. When Emily picked Jef and they played a montage to “We Did It All for Love” I was torn. Mainly because I was sad about Arie, but I also love a good ‘80s song. I found myself thinking that Emily had chosen the wrong guy—a feeling I’d had just a few months earlier when Rachel chose Bryan over Peter (ugh).
Arie awkward-laughed his way onto our screens and I’ll admit, he had a bit of a rocky start. His first impression rose went to Chelsea, a single mom we all thought ABC was setting up to be this season’s villain. Oh, boy. Were we wrong. Enter Krystal.
Krystal turned out to be a combination of some of my least favorite Bachelor villains all rolled into one. From the very beginning, it was obvious that Arie saw something different in Krystal. After all, he took her to meet his family on their first date. As for me, I have a four-month rule on meeting my family. But, you do you, Arie.
Krystal quickly became the girl who “stole Arie” (once before a rose ceremony, which is arguably one of the biggest bachelor ‘don’ts’) and gave condescendingly inspirational toasts. It was clear from the eye rolls that the other girls in the mansion didn’t buy into Krystal or her “strong foundation” with Arie.
The bowling date is when we saw Krystal start to dig her own grave. When Arie decided he wanted to let the losing team stay (instead of sending them back to the mansion) Krystal. Lost. It. She called Arie a liar and refused to go to the after-party. A true Bachelor-style tantrum if I’ve ever seen one. I can only assume it was a sneaky attempt to test Arie’s affection for her. But oh, did it backfire. Instead of Arie begging Krystal to come to the party, he lectured her and told her to stay in her room. I’m paraphrasing, but close enough. Even though Arie still gave Krystal a rose that week, I think he was checked out from their relationship from that moment on. He sent Krystal home the next week. But at least we’ll always have a gif of “Like, I’m done. Done. That was glitter. Glitter.”
Another one of the most memorable ladies this season was Bekah M. There were a few things about Bekah M. that made her stand out. The first was her adorable pixie cut; the second was her age. And the third was her “disappearance.”
The pixie cut was fab and I’m starting a petition for more pixie cuts on The Bachelor. Bekah’s age was a big reveal this season—with an age gap of 14 years between her and Arie. It was a pretty big age difference, and even though Arie had some serious chemistry with Bekah, he sent her home. That brings us to Bekah’s “disappearance.” A few weeks ago, it was reported that Bekah’s mom had filed a missing person’s report. The report stated that Bekah told her mom she was going to work on a marijuana farm (I could see it) and then her mom lost contact with her. Luckily for us, Bekah recently cleared the air.
After Arie sent our brunette Tinkerbelle home, she retreated to the woods for a camping trip and didn’t have cell service. Which is understandable, because who doesn’t want to disappear after a breakup—let alone a breakup you know will air on national television. So, no marijuana farm, just a girl in the woods without cell service and a very concerned mom.
So here we are, almost at the end of another Bachelor journey. Sure, I’ve questioned some of Arie’s decisions this season; and his body language is a dead giveaway for his heart. But I’m hoping this “oldster” finds the love he deserves. And rumor has it, we’re in for a Jason Mesnick-style finale. Until then, here’s a look at his final four ladies. (And don’t forget to play our Bachelor Drinking Game!)
Oh Kendall, you’re doing amazing, sweetie. When “taxidermy girl” stepped out of the limo, I knew she would be sent home the first night. And then, she wasn’t. I realized Arie was actually into her. But more than that, Kendall turned out to be a kind person. When Krystal threw her under the bus on their dreaded 2-on-1 date, I was expecting some serious Bachelor-level drama. What we got instead was a beautiful speech on accepting your own imperfections. Instead of going on the attack, Kendall tried to understand where Krystal’s hurtful words were really coming from. A novel idea. Here’s to you, Kendall, and your taxidermy animals.
From her opening lines of “I hope you don’t have a small weiner” I had a feeling Tia wasn’t going to have much of a filter this season. And I was right. At first, I was confused by Tia. Was ABC hoping for Raven 2.0? But even though they’re both from Arkansas (and BFFs), Tia and Raven don’t exactly give off the same vibe. I cringed when she announced to the world that we go frog-giggin’ in Arkansas and Arie took her on THE MOST southern dates possible. Hay bales, mason jars, ‘gaters? Really??
It wasn’t until she revealed that she now lived in “the city” (Lol, Little Rock), that I saw the Weiner-gimmick fade away. At that point, I was finally able to see her as a real contestant and not as the girl who could potentially embarrass my home state. And ya know what? I am here to see this girl from Weiner steal Arie’s heart, or maybe even become the next bachelorette.
They must be editing out the good moments from Lauren and Arie together, right? RIGHT?! Both times she’s gone on a one-on-one with Arie, I’ve been certain she’s on her way home. And both times Arie has basically said he loved her. What is happening? ABC has got to be playing some serious editing magic trick on us.
Look, I’m not gonna lie. Twice in the span of a few hours, I was trying to think of the final four girls and I forgot about Becca. She seems like a nice girl, and I am digging her dress on the Italy date with Arie. But other than her dress, Becca doesn’t strike me as the most memorable girl this season. But hey, at least she’s not Krystal.