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I don’t care how many brain cells I may be sacrificing, I love trashy reality TV shows — including (but not limited to) one of ABC’s finest accomplishments: The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. These shows may occasionally make me question my faith in the human race, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re entertaining as hell. Not to mention, they go perfectly with a glass (or a bottle) of wine.
If you have nothing else to look forward to at the start of this new year, you might as well spice up your Monday nights by tuning in to this season of The Bachelor, featuring Petersome dude from a million seasons ago named Arie, searching for love among 25 of America’s most eligible (and desperate) bachelorettes. And because everyone on the show will undoubtedly be getting their drink on every single episode, you may as well too, right?
Someone has a “big secret” that they must reveal to Arie right away. Examples include: A tragic, life-changing accident of some kind, having a kid, or being a virgin — you know, standard stuff.
There is a random, unnecessary scene of Arie without his shirt and/or standing on a balcony and staring dramatically into the distance.
Chris Harrison helps Arie make a difficult decision. Take two if the “comforting” advice involves vague, insensitive, or obvious questions/statements such as: “It sounds like you have a really difficult decision to make.”; “How does she make you feel?”; and “I think you know what you have to do.”
Arie says “I can see my wife in this room.”
There is a video montage of anyone getting ready, fixing their hair, and/or putting makeup on.
They travel to a date by helicopter or convertible.