Breakups suck. There’s no sugar coating it — no matter what side of the breakup you’re on, it’s never fun. If you’re the one doing the breaking you’re nervous and maybe even a little guilt-ridden about hurting someone. If you’re the one being dumped it sucks all around, especially if you didn’t see it coming. You want to rage and bitch and smear the other person’s name with vengeance, but that’s (obviously) not the mature choice.
You should still choose the high road in a breakup, and opt to react with grace. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be hurt and pissed off. Of course you do. However, those feelings don’t need to be broadcasted everywhere you go. You can get through the hard stuff without making yourself look like a complete mess. Here’s how.
Save Your Meltdowns for Your Mama, Your Diary, and Your BFF
You don’t want to be the girl drunk crying in the bar bathroom because she saw someone who kind of, but not really looks like her recent ex from across a row of tequila shots. You also don’t want to be the girl incapable of talking about anything other than her jerk ex-boyfriend who broke her heart three months ago.
You’re absolutely entitled to feel the way you feel, but the fact of the matter is that not everyone cares to hear about it ALL the time. Your family and friends have their own problems to deal with, and they might even be more important. For this reason, I try to avoid the self-indulgent pity parties as much as I can. If you feel like you’re overwhelmed by emotion, consider therapy. Talkspace, for example, offers therapy from the privacy and ease of your computer so it’s like you’re messaging your BFF.
Journals might seem silly, but they’re actually the key to keeping your emotional shit together. Whatever woe-is-me feelings you have can be written out there in all the details and whining you want. It gets it off your chest so you can better function, and also doesn’t burden anyone else with your issues. You’re a strong, independent woman, and I promise you can survive a breakup without talking about it to anyone and everyone who will listen.
If you’re too busy running around all the time, then you don’t have time to sit around and wallow in self-pity or mentally relive every moment with your ex or analyze the relationship to figure out where you went wrong. If you’re in school, sign up for extra clubs or teams, take some advanced classes, or get a part-time job. If you’re in the professional world, then make it a point to spend more time with your friends, learn a new skill to advance your career, pick up a new hobby, explore the city your live in, or get a pet. (Seriously, nothing will keep you busier or more distracted from your feelings than a puppy. Trust me, I would know.)
No matter your age, exercise, reading, and socializing are magical breakup-sadness cures. Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t cry about their exes. Reading is a way to escape reality and live another life for a little bit. Just don’t read romances, okay? They’ll make you sad. Seeing your family and friends makes you realize you have a ton of people who love and care for you. With these three things, you really can make it through a breakup without losing your sense of self-worth and dignity.
Purge Your Social Media Accounts
Look, there’s no shame in admitting that seeing your ex on social media causes you pain. Don’t try to pretend you’re all good and can be “friends.” It’s a lot easier to get over someone when you unfriend them from your social channels and even block them. That might sound extreme, but if you know you’ll give in and go stalk them when you’re laying in bed alone then be preemptive. Block their account so you can’t go look them up and analyze every little photo they like on Instagram.
The bottom line is that you have to move on. It’s hard to do that when you’re constantly bombarded by their social posts (thanks to that Facebook/Instagram feed algorithm). Tell your friends you don’t want to know what they see on social media either. That’s just going to hurt you even though they’re trying to be good friends. Oh and obviously don’t you dare try to stalk their new love interest. Do not do that to yourself.
Healing and moving on won’t be effortless. It takes time to truly move on, even if you don’t want to go back to that relationship. Be patient with yourself, do your best to stay busy, and focus on the wonderful things you do have in your life rather than this one painful experience.
Treat Yo Self
The very best thing you can do after a breakup is remind yourself how amazing you are. Have a date night with yourself — you deserve it. SinglesSwag is a monthly subscription box that sends you tons of stuff to treat yo self — books, bath bombs, snacks, and more.