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There are the obvious deal breakers we all know about: murder, theft, cheating, general villainy, and of course hatred of Nutella. But there are also some other important red flags you should be on the lookout for when dating someone new. These aren’t always the most obvious problems, and when you’re in the honeymoon stage it can be particularly hard to recognize them. Nonetheless, you have to keep your eyes peeled and your emotions in check so you can make sure the person you’re falling for is someone who will treat you with respect and support you in all things.
1. Disrespect Toward You or Others
If he’s disrespectful to you and anyone else (including the waiter) then you need to end it. People who are disrespectful for no reason whatsoever are the literal garbage of the Earth and you deserve better. Even if the disrespect seems warranted because the other person was rude first, it’s still a deal breaker. That means he won’t hesitate to fly off the handle at you over something small. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who is always polite and respectful to everyone they meet? Yeah, me too.
2. Conflicting Values
No matter what your personal values are, it’s a deal breaker if your significant other holds conflicting ones. There are some people who can make this work, but more often than not, if your core values don’t align it will end up tearing your relationship apart. If he’s hateful about your values, picks them apart, or is constantly trying to undermine your values, you have to break up and move on. No one needs that much negativity in their life.
3. Subtle (or Not-So-Subtle) Sexism
This is the biggest red flag in any relationship. You don’t want or need to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you for the bad-ass independent woman you are. Don’t walk away, run away.
4. One-Track Mind
Unless you are also only interested in one thing (sex), then this is a problem. If you want things to develop into an actual relationship, and he’s clearly just wanting to hang out in the bedroom, this one won’t work out long term. In fact, you’re likely to get hurt. It doesn’t matter how cute he is or how much he makes you laugh if you want an emotional connection and he doesn’t.
5. Constant Fighting or Bickering
Fights and a little bickering are normal in relationships, but when it becomes something that happens all day long nearly every single day you have to end the relationship. Continuous confrontation isn’t healthy for any relationship or any person. It leads to chronic stress and can leak negativity into other aspects of your life, like friendships and work. If you start to notice the two of you fight more than you do anything else, then walk away.
6. Controlling Behavior
Abusive relationships are all about control, but the signs aren’t always apparent from the get-go. If he starts to demonstrate controlling tendencies in small ways, like in what you wear or who you hang out with, then consider leaving while you still can. Over time these small things can develop into major issues, like keeping you isolated from loved ones and even physical abuse.