10 Struggles of Returning to Work After the Holidays

Holiday recoil. We all suffer from it once the holiday season has ended and we actually have to work for the first time in weeks. The two weeks (or month) after the new year is miserable, but take comfort in knowing everyone in the world is feeling just as smushy/sleepy/angry as you are.

1. Wearing Work Clothes

Button-up shirts. Blazers. Heels. Pants with a button and zipper.

I can’t. I won’t. I refuse to wear these tight, stiff clothes that remind me how much pecan pie I’ve consumed in the last three weeks. My paycheck isn’t worth this cruel punishment. Sweatpants are all that fit me right now, so I’ll be wearing those into the office until my “diet” starts to work. Or I’ve bought larger pants. Can gravy go on lettuce?

2. Not Having Anything to Look Forward To

How am I going to spend my weekends now that the holiday parties are over? What do I do with myself? I don’t want to spend time coming up with plans and rallying friends. I just want to receive invites and text my RSVP. I don’t feel like that’s too much to ask from all of my family and friends.

3. Being Expected to do Actual Work

I’m in a mental fog, and my boss actually wants me to do something? This seems entirely unfair considering I just spent the last month pretending to work when I was actually taking Buzzfeed quizzes about my celebrity soulmates.

4. Realizing the Presents are Done.

Do I seriously have to wait until my birthday to receive a pretty present from someone? Mountains of slayed wrapping paper and ribbon are all that I’ve been living for the last three weeks. What do I have to live for?! Now I’m stressed out. Someone give me a wrapped box to take my anxiety out on.

5. Waking up Early Again

It’s so cold outside of my bed. I can’t believe I’m expected to leave this safe refuge to drag my frozen, stiff, sleepy body to work before 10 a.m. Surely there’s some kind of grace period after the holidays. I’m going to be nursing withdrawals for a while, so maybe I can just email my boss and she’ll understand. *5 minutes* Nevermind. Where’s the coffee?

6. Suffering From Celebratory Alcohol Withdrawals

The fact that I’m not allowed to enjoy a mimosa at 9 a.m. at my computer is outrageous. I’ve just finished a week long bender complete with mimosas, Bailey’s and coffee, and every other cocktail under the sun. I can’t just quit cold turkey like this.

7. Catching up on Emails

Email is the bane of my existence. I’ve been ignoring all of my inboxes since my Thanksgiving food coma, and I’m pretty sure these people don’t actually need to contact me for anything. I don’t want to answer all these. I don’t even want to read them all. Can’t an intern do this for me? Damn, another one just popped up.

8. Trying to Figure Out What’s Going on at the Office

It’s been so long since I truly focused on this place. Has that guy always worked here? I’m slightly concerned that I have some big project or something to work on, but I can’t remember anything before the merry calorie and butter bender I’ve been on since Thanksgiving. Looks like I’ll be keeping my head down until I have enough context clues to figure it out.

9. Hearing About Everyone Else’s Holiday Engagement

Oh, how delightful. Two girls in accounting are now engaged. The shine from their rocks is blinding me from across the hall. Well, I can’t work in this environment so I’ll be heading home, where I’m still single, but at least don’t feel bad about it. It’s not like I need an engagement to feel fulfilled anyway. I’ve got enough cookie dough in my fridge to fill the emptiness.

10. Being Forced to Have the Same Conversations for a Week

Okay Karen, you need to back off with the third degree. I don’t want to talk to you about my holiday after you literally just heard me tell Bob about it.

PSA: My holiday was great. I had a happy new year. My new year’s resolution is to be skinnier and richer. Now can everyone please stop asking me the exact same questions every five minutes? I’d like to get back to figuring out what I’m supposed to be doing.

(Featured image via TheOfficialGrumpyCat)

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