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If you think Mean Girls is simply a great movie to entertain you after a long day at work — you’re wrong. Take a seat, grab a notebook, and learn from Cady’s mistakes, Janis’ rants, and Regina’s cunning control because the office is simply Mean Girls in the real world.
1. The Watering Hole
Everyone congregates here, and can you blame them? It’s the only place you can go without being reminded of your work or obligations. It’s also the place where societal and professional expectations tend to be forgotten. Hence the shameless ribbing, flirting, and swearing often heard echoing from it.
2. Coordinating Outfits
On Fridays, we wear the company t-shirt. Failure to conform will result in a public shunning, and you will regret making such poor decisions. So maybe you won’t be kicked out of the lunch table, but you will feel a little bit like an outsider when everyone else matches. Let’s face it, the elementary need to fit in never dies.
3. No Sweatpants Allowed
Even when they’re the only thing that fits you. This is one thing Mean Girls got right: Sweatpants are never acceptable office attire. So leave them at home where they belong and dress like someone who cares.
4. Where You Sit is Crucial
Accounting sticks with accounting. Sales sticks with sales. You have to decide early on who you’re going to align yourself with, and nothing says it better than who you choose to eat with. If you choose to eat with the more “mature” employees, you can bet the young’uns are going to be a little skeptical of inviting you to lunch (and secret drinks).
5. Gossip Abounds
The office chat is the new burn book. Okay, it’s not as ruthless, but people gossip. Even if it’s small stuff, like who had the nerve to heat up pepperoni pizza when everyone else is on a diet.
6. Humpday Treats are Necessary
But you can have actual alcohol in your glass now. Honestly, alcoholic treats are necessary pretty much every weekday. Margarita Monday. Turn Up Tuesday. Wine Wednesday. Thirsty Thursday. Fireball Friday.
7. Seeing your Boss out of the Office is Weird
Just like seeing Ms. Norbury in the mall. It’s just weird to know your boss does something other than send you emails and has a real life of emotion and experience like a normal human.
8. Certain Relationships are Off-limits
The office Aaron Samuels? You can’t have him because office Regina (HR) would have your head. Sorry, you’ll just have to make do with discussions of the supply closet and weather.
9. Everyone Creates Plans for Domination
Except you can use a whiteboard and avoid that whole screechy sound thing Janis did. Hopefully no one in the office is plotting to destroy someone’s life, but absolutely everyone has a five-year plan for career success.
10. Quirky People are the Best
The employees who aren’t too uptight to tell a joke or hang out at happy hour are always the ones you want to align yourself with. Any co-workers who take themselves too seriously, like say Gretchen Weiners, are better left alone.
11. Fresh-out-of-College Hires are Homeschooled Jungle Freaks
They just have no clue what’s going on. Normal office terms like 401(k) sound like Swedish to them. It’s a glorious thing to witness. It’s almost like watching a newborn giraffe learn to walk.
12. There’s a Hierarchy
The CEO will always win out over the interns. The executives are like The Plastics – calculating, untouchable, and mesmerizing. Everyone wants to be them, including you.
13. Conference Calls are as Scary as 3-way Call Ambushes
Nothing will make you break out into a cold sweat quite like a conference call, or being tricked by Regina George on a 3-way driveby. It’s best to listen more than you speak, tbh.
14. Everyone has Something to Offer
Even if it’s just having ESPN. Who are you to question the value of these talents?